Toy Box
by Veritas Found
Summary: As reunions go, this was a bit…well, ridiculous. Not that anyone was asking him, of course…


**Title:** "Toy Box"

**Author:** Wish Wielder

**Fandom:** Doctor Who

**Pairing / Character Focus:** (Tenth) Doctor, Rose Tyler, Jack Harkness; Doctor x Rose Tyler

**Challenge/Series:** Say What?! An Unusual First Line Reunion Challenge

**Theme / Prompt:** "Honestly Rose, there's no need to laugh. You act like you've never seen a man in a dress before."

**Word Count:** 2,192

**Rating:** T / PG-13

**Summary:** As reunions go, this was a bit…well, ridiculous. Not that anyone was asking him, of course…

**Notes/Spoilers: E**nd of S4, alternating from Those Spoilers/official end. Pure, unadulterated crack.

**Disclaimer:** "Doctor Who" and all respective properties are © the BBC. Megan D. (Wish Wielder) does not, has never, nor will ever own "Doctor Who".

"_**Toy Box"**_

"I can't believe this…"

Jack looked up at the grumble, his smile softening as he looked his old friend over. Rose glanced at him, tearing her eyes away from her hand. He put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed, drawing a small smile from her.

"The Doc'll be back soon, and he'll know what to do. We can fix this, Rose," he said. She looked back to her hand, frowning as she stretched her…fingers. This definitely wasn't how he had pictured this happening, but… "At least you're back, right?"

"Yeah, as a…do you hear that?" she asked, looking up. He paused, listening, as a string of what he guessed was very colorful alien language echoed through the door. He snorted slightly, glancing at her as they recognized the Doctor's voice. Obviously, things hadn't gone as well as he'd hoped, either. He glanced back at her before they both looked to the doorway. A moment later, a mass of light blue, white frills, and gold curls stalked into sight with a flash of pink metal, grunting and writhing and expelling a few choice swearwords from the Doctor's native tongue. He froze, eyes going wide. That…was not what he had been expecting.

"…Doctor?" he asked, glancing quickly to Rose as she snorted, her hands flying to her mouth. The mass of blue and white froze, and a moment later it whirled around. The fabric he had been trying to tug over his head fluttered down around him, and then they could see…well, they were fairly certain it was the Doctor. They thought.

"Jack!" he squeaked, face…flushing? Maybe; it was a bit hard to tell with the circus clown rouge covering his cheeks. Jack's jaw dropped, his gaze sweeping over what – when he had left – had been a perfectly presentable Doctor. Now he was…well, an oversized doll. A light blue, short-puffy-sleeved, just-past-knee-length dress was covering him, cinched in at the waist. The skirt poofed out, thanks to layers of white frills underneath that served to cover the white-and-blue-laced Victorian-styled bloomers, which both Jack and Rose had caught a lovely view of when he had been trying to pull the dress off. White tights covered the rest of his legs, down to his feet (which were covered by shiny, black Mary Janes). A white apron covered the front of the dress, its ties forming a large bow in the back, and a wig of golden ringlets had 

been haphazardly placed upon his head. A black ribbon was tied in a bow atop the locks, and tufts of his ruffled brown mop stuck out from under the wig around his forehead. His face was painted with powder and rouge, but despite the makeup Jack was fairly certain the Time Lord was blushing. Blushing or flushed with rage (or embarrassment, likely both) – it was a bit hard to tell with the cosmetics.

To make matters worse, slung over his shoulder was a lilac strap to what, if not for the colors and decorations, would have been a fairly imposing gun. As it were, the metal was made of a dusty pink with lilac butterflies stamped along its sides. Near the muzzle of the gun, sticking up like a bonnet ornament, was…a pony. Or maybe it was a unicorn. Either way, it was a little, fat white horse of some sort. It would have been very threatening, if you painted it black and took away the…pony. As it was, it just helped to make the Doctor look even more…well, ridiculous.

"Thought you went to stop the brat," he said. The Doctor's lips pressed together, and Jack could practically hear him counting back from ten in his mind. He glanced at Rose again, who was trying so hard to suppress her giggles she looked like she might explode. He looked back to the Doctor, who was holding up the gun.

"I did," he finally said, his voice stormy. Jack quirked a brow at him.

"Looks more like you joined her army," he said. The Doctor screamed and tossed the gun, sending it flying into a cupboard on the other side of the infirmary. He stomped his foot into the ground, the flat shoe tapping with a resound _click!_ against the tile. "Woah, woah – Doc, calm down! What happened?"

He could pretty much figure out what had happened, but he figured telling someone might make the Doctor feel better. What had happened to him was probably the same exact thing that had happened to the not-girl beside him: he had been shot by the gun he had just thrown across the room. He didn't doubt that the Doctor had stopped the latest…er...'threat' to the universe, a bratty seven-year-old princess (who had decided to conquer said universe by shooting everyone in it with the gun, which would promptly turn them into something from her toy box). The Doctor probably wouldn't have had the girl's gun if he hadn't.

"I left the TARDIS, found Ka'mala, and told her she was being a very petulant child," the Doctor said, "and then she shot me."

"And turned you into a doll?" he asked, and the Doctor screamed again as he tugged on the dress.

"It won't bloody come off, Jack!" he whined. He gave another tug, and Jack bit his lip to keep from laughing. "The sodding thing is…is…_is sewn into my bloody skin!_"

"But did you stop her?" Jack asked, and the Doctor stopped pulling on the skirt, blowing out a frustrated sigh.

"Yes, yes – I stopped her," he said, waving him off. "I gave her back to her parents – apparently they were on holiday at a pleasure planet while all this was going on, and oh-ho-ho were they not pleased! I brought the gun back to reverse the signal – hopefully that'll turn everyone back into…well, what they should be. The king said he'd get a list of every planet she's visited before Earth, so we can turn them back, too."

"Well, that's something," Jack said, and then he smirked. "You look good like that, though."

"Stop it," the Doctor said, lip twitching in a snarl. He paused and glanced behind Jack, his eyes falling on Rose (who was still gasping into her hands…paws...things) and going slightly unfocused. "What've you been up to while I was saving the world, now?"

"Oh, the usual," Jack said, walking over to Rose and slinging an arm around her shoulders. "Flirting with old friends who fell through the Void, tried to get into Torchwood 3 and failed because – unlike Torchwood Cardiff – it's hidden, got shot by the toy gun, and then ran into devilishly handsome Torchwood heads. Ain't that right, Rose?"

Jack could tell the moment the universe stopped for the Doctor; there was a sharp intake of breath (a gasp that sounded suspiciously like the girl's name), followed by an extended silence. He glanced over at him, smiling as he saw the shocked – almost terrified – look dancing through the Doctor's eyes. He didn't want to hope, he knew, but…that didn't change the fact that it really was Rose Tyler sitting on the stretcher beside him, still laughing at the Doctor's getup. And then he was smiling, his lips twitching up as a shaky laugh broke from his chest. He shook his head, walking over to them and stopping just before her.

"Honestly, Rose, there's no need to laugh. You act like you've never seen a man in a dress before," he said, and her hands lowered to show a toothy grin.

"Just never thought that man'd be you," she said, and he beamed at her as he brought a hand up. She went to clasp it and hesitated, staring down at her transformed paw. Her face fell for a minute, and his smile softened.

"We can fix it, Rose," he said. His smile quirked into a grin. "At least you don't have a dress sewn on you."

And she didn't; she was still in the clothes she had arrived in this universe in, black trousers and a turquoise tank. Her pink shirt and dark blue jacket were bundled beside her, and her boots – which no longer really fit as well – were on the floor, off to the side. She really hadn't undergone much of a…oh, hell – she had, really. She was a bloody panda, for goodness's sake. Her arms and legs were covered in black fur, her hands and feet slightly bigger than normal as they had been morphed into paws. Her chest and abdomen and most of her face were white, but her ears (which the Doctor had to admit were, quite frankly, rather adorable in how they twitched at the top of her head) were that same black. Around her eyes, still the warmest shade of hazelled honey, were large round circles of black – matching the rough nose that topped her extended maw.

It shouldn't have been what it was, the Doctor thought. It should have been horrible and atrocious and he should be outraged – and he was, he really was. But…blast it all if she wasn't…well, adorable. Cute, even. Making him want to cuddle into her soft fur and act like a silly little seven-year-old.

Much better than his rubbish getup, anyway.

Still, she looked like she was about to cry, and that was something he just wouldn't have. He put a hand against her furry cheek and tilted her face up towards him. She looked at him, and he smiled at her.

"Rose Tyler, can I give you a hug?" he asked, and her lips twitched in a smile.

"Doctor…it hasn't been that long. You don't have to ask," she said, and he laughed as he pulled her towards him, crushing her in the sort of hug she hadn't received in a good three years. She laughed with him and wrapped her arms about him, and she nearly cried when he whispered into her ear.

"Too long, Rose," he said, and she bit her lip as he squeezed her tighter. "It's been far too long."

They stayed like that for a good while, but it still seemed too soon when he finally pulled away. He held his hand out to her again, but she still hesitated. He smiled, reaching out and grasping a paw with both hands.

"It's all right, Rose. See?" he asked, nodding towards their hands. "Still fits."

"Really doesn't," she said, shaking her head but still laughing slightly.

"'Course it does! It'll always fit," he said. He put a hand on her cheek and leaned towards her, angling her head for a kiss.

"Sure you wanna do that, Doc?" Jack asked, and he froze. Rose bit her lip to fight the giggles, and he fought the urge to make a fist; with his hand still holding her face like it was, he'd probably only hurt her if he did. Instead his eyes darted to Jack, his jaw clenching in annoyance.

"What?" he asked, and Jack grinned.

"Not that I have anything against kissing her – I'd do it myself if not for the fact that you'd kill me. It's just…she's all…furry," he said, mocking a shudder at the thought.

"_Jack!_" Rose cried, eyes popping wide, and he held up his hands in defense, superstar grin still in place.

"No offense, Rose, but furry things shed. I remember this one time on a holiday satellite I met this girl, and her species was nothing but fur. _Great_ kisser, but the hair got _everywhere_, and I mean every-_hey!_" Jack cried as a hot pink light hit him with an electronic hiss. Rose blinked before she fell back against the wall, clutching her stomach and laughing hysterically. Jack placed his hands on his very plastic, very naked hips and glared at the Doctor, who had retrieved the toy gun.

"Very mature, Doc," he said. He looked down at the block his abdomen had become, eyes popping as he noticed the…_alterations_. "Oh come on – that's not fair!"

"I think it…it suits you, Jack," Rose gasped between giggles, wiping a tear from her eye. The Doctor dropped the gun and grabbed her wrist, pulling her towards him again.

"Captain Jack Harkness, defrocked," he said with a click, grinning at her as she laughed.

"Bit more than –" he cut her off, pulling her close and snogging her properly.

"Ok already, Doc – can you fix the gun now? I've got a date in an hour with a certain Welshman, and I – hey!" Jack jumped to the side as the Doctor threw a sharp instrument at him. He threw up his arms and turned, muttering to himself as he stomped out of the medbay. The Doctor pulled back from Rose a moment later, smiling as he rubbed his thumb along her fuzzy cheek.

"Welcome ho-" he paused, coughing and spluttering slightly as he reached up to his mouth.

"Doctor? You all right?" she asked, frowning. He pulled some black hairs from his mouth, blinking as he took a moment to stare at the spitty mess. "What…?"

"Huh – Jack was right," he said, looking up at her with a grin. She shook her head, chuckling as he brushed the hairs off on his trousers. "Really does get everywhere!"


End file.
